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How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:08

How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

By giving up the notion that someone has to “win” or that anyone loses by saying “you are right”, “I am sorry”, or “I can do better.”

By resolving to listen with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

By learning to validate what the other is feeling. “I can absolutely see why you feel this way.”

I'm very sick. 72 years old. I thinking I'm losing my mind. My dead friend told me it's going to be okay. I could feel him. There is more…I don't know what but more.

By deciding to stop with the criticism and the nagging and instead say thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for loving me.

By keeping in mind it’s OK to have different opinions and different experiences, and they both matter in equal measure.

By taking turns talking.

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By internalizing that responding with kindness is strength, not weakness.

By wanting to truly understand each other, despite feeling unheard.